90210 – Not a whole lot to heart
I think the only good thing about getting back to normal after the holidays is the return of our regular television shows. Stef and I have consoled ourselves over going back to work with some quality tv time. With that and our amazing shout-out on the homepage of The Colbert Nation (thanks guys!), you’ll have to forgive us for being a little television obsessed this week.
I tried, oh lord how I tried, but the new version of Beverly Hills 90210 totally blows. I’ve forced myself to watch almost every mind-numbingly boring episode of 90210 but this update of the 90’s classic totally lacks the campy fun and ridiculous story lines of the original. Not to mention the acid washed jeans, gigantic sideburns and combat boots with dresses. With both the Southern California locale and the money the characters have, why are the clothes on this show so boring? Take a cue from Gossip Girls and Sex in the City and add some over the top, extravagant clothes for god’s sake!
The only tiny bit of fun in this version is the underused Jessica Walters as the sassy grandma of the Wilson family (oh how I miss the Walsh’s) who basically plays a watered down version of her Arrested Development character. I also enjoy watching for Shannen Doherty appearances to see Brenda make her who farted bitchface. No one gives as good a bitchface as the lovely Doherty – more please!
I’ve heard that the producers of 90210 are trying to lure Tori Spelling back to the show and to that I say zzzzzzz… Oh sorry, but the thought of Saint Donna’s character coming back to Beverly Hills puts me right to sleep. Unless we can get Ray Pruitt to show up and shove her down some stairs, it’s not going to add any excitement.
Therefore, I decided to help the producers out and show them what’s missing in 90210 the next generation, by going to the well of the original BH90210. Back to the 90’s where we could always lay down some fat beats and count on David Silver to keep things real!
Step One: Add some dorks we can all laugh at. I guess the Navid character is supposed to be the hapless nerd, but since he’s the only one that’s not a self-involved twit, he’s one of the better characters. Besides, a cute, insanely rich, sweet Armenian boy would rule the school in today’s Beverly Hills – I just can’t see him as equal to that big ol’ tool, David Silver.
Step Two: Up the bitch factor. I do not fear for the other characters when Naomi Clark (played by AnnaLynn McCord) walks into a scene. She’s not believable as the Queen Bee of the Mean Girls. If the tabloids are correct, Shenae Grimes is already shaping up to be Doherty Part Two behind the scenes; so let her bitch flag fly. Give Grimes’ cloying Annie some depth. Let her roll her eyes and sigh and run off to Baja with her ne-er do well boyfriend. I say lock both of these actresses in a room with clips of Brenda and Kelly going at it and a refrigerator full of Guinness and sandwiches (wow, these girls are skinny). Don’t let them out until they have mastered the art of huffy dialogue and stomping out of a room (and gained 10 pounds). Use this great example from Doherty’s last season for inspiration.
Step Three: For the next episode, take the rest of the characters, send them to a party, trap them inside, que the dramatic guitar and light the place on fire. Important: in this version, no one is rescued!
Am I one of the last people in America still watching this show and hoping for just a brief view of the hilarious highs (and hilarious lows) of the original?
Filed in: read, watch, listen
Really T, I don’t know how you are still watching this show. I watched the 1st two episodes and haven’t looked back. I’d pick ice fishing over watching this crap. Great suggestions to the execs, the best one would be the fire!!!!
I also tried to watch the first episode and couldn’t even get through the whole episode without turning it off. I loved the original and watched every season, but the new show just doesn’t have the same spark. I’ve heard they are going to try to bring Melrose Place back too. Wonder if it will suck just as bad?
Great suggestions Tyna =) I’m so out of the loop I didn’t even know they brought this show back!
I don’t know why they try and bring shows back at all..same with movies. I wish they’d bring back something like BJ And the Bear! That I would watch =)
Hee – I have to say, every time I see the still of Donna crying at the bottom of the stairs I laugh our loud! Best scene ever. I also wanted to add a clip from the infamous Uphoria episode – where they purchased drugs from a dealer with a big old U cap on! Ha. Too much.
Christy – BJ and the Bear ruled! we should be happy they don’t remake it because it would surely suck.
Ha.. that’s true! It would suck, the real thing was awesome! The memories =)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AsqKQptTdQ
That Donna falling clip is pretty hilarious..& David rockin the Hammer Time is pretty amazingly funny.
He must have been drinking alot of Kool-Aid to get that kind of energy =)
Yeah, I don’t think I even made it 10 minutes with this show. Which isn’t fair, I know. Sometimes you have to warm up to shows a bit. But T, I’m glad you’ve done the time so I don’t have to.
The original was so fab though! Granted, we moved to LA in the middle of it’s heyday. So it was fun to bump into Shannen at a club or wait on Joe E. Tata when he was getting his headshots done at the photo place I worked at.
If this show wasn’t trying to be something else, maybe it would be better? I don’t get all the remakes, is Hollywood that stuck for ideas? I do NOT want to see a new Melrose Place. Don’t mess with a classic.
Oh, and you haven’t clicked the “great example” link of classic Brenda huff above, you should. She’s so mean, she scares Donna’s puppy. Now that’s bitchy!
I love Donna’s Tennessee Tuxedo!
I just had a David Silver flashback. Remember the song he wrote for Donna “You’re so precious to me, am I precious to you”? Now I can’t get it out of my head now!
I also saw a snip of new VH1 reality show (didn’t they used to me a music channel?) that has former teen idols and Ray Pruitt is on it. He said pushing Donna down the stairs ruined his career!
I know – I refuse to believe that! I think his crappy songs ruined his career – most people cheered and laughed at Donna’s fall because it was all so silly. And Stef, I totally remember You’re so precious to me..am I precious to yooouuu? – I wanted to link that too but there was just too many awesomely funny clips from the old 90210
I know, I know. But I keep watching it, too Tyna. I want it so bad to be as good as the old BH90210 because the cast had such better chemistry (until about season 9 when it alll went downhill and that stupid Gina character made me want to punch her in the face!
But they have some promise on the new 90210. I love Kelly Taylor at 36 as much as I loved her at 16. And I love the “new Kelly”, Naomi. Lori Loughlin is a pretty good Cindy Walsh. But they need to lose dumb Dixon and the bored Silver and Harry Wilson. There’s such potential.
Katie – stop giving me reason to keep watching this drek. I’m trying to watch less television, not keep my boring shows! You’re right about Kelly – while I’m foremost a Brenda fan, I have always loved Kelly as well. And I don’t mind Silver – they should use Silver and Kelly’s coked out Mom more – have some big drug drama and pit the girls against Mom.
I made it through the first episode. I just couldn’t put myself through watching another episode, my self-loathing just isn’t that strong. I just want to put all of the new girls in a locked room with a bucket of KFC…*announcers voice* Four girls go in, only one will come out…” Now THAT would be a show. I just remember that Shenae Grimes was on my secret shame, Degrassi, and she was thin, but not Skeletor thin, and fast forward to now and she’s living in LA and her only purchase from the grocery store is a bazillion cartons of cigarettes and bottled water. Seriously, WTF?!? Nothing will ever beat the original 90210 and Ian Ziering’s white man’s afro. It had magical properties. True story.
Ahhh! Degrassi is my secret shame too! My housemate and I have spent far too many Friday nights drinking champagne and snarking on Degrassi. Our all time favorite episode is when Emma’s giving bj’s in a van for bracelets and gets gonorrhea! Now that’s fun! Did you know the original Beverly Hills was heavily inspired by the first incarnation of Degrassi? It’s true. Sometimes The N shows those old 80’s one and they are so great!
I’d like to assert the opiniong Steve Sanders is one of the most hilarious characters in television history. Ian Zierings facial expressions make me crack up out loud.
Shenae Grimes isnt that skinnt. But Jessica Stroup (Silver) is. She looks really really hungry. Maybe that’s why her acting is so bad.
I recently snagged seasons 1 & 2 of the original on DVD at Target for $14 each. But if you weren’t so lucky you can watch full episodes of the complete seasons 1-4 online at IMDB.com.