Scary Movie Series: Those Aliens Do Not Come In Peace

I don’t know how many times a person needs to see a movie about aliens to know that they do not come in peace, they do not want to be our friends, and they do not want to share their technology with us. It is all a ruse! More likely than not, they want to enslave us, eat us, or steal our planet’s natural resources. You only have to hear so many stories about guys named Joe Bob who claim to have been abducted by aliens and anal probed to know that these creatures are not our friends. Unless you’re into that sort of thing…

Always remember that aliens do not come in peace. These movies will show you why.

1. The Blob (1958)
This classic horror movie stars a young Steve McQueen trying to save his small town from an alien menace that threatens to absorb everything in its path. After I saw this movie, I was afraid to eat Jello.

2. Alien (1978)
What could possibly go wrong on a space ship with a bunch of face-hugging aliens that gestate using humans as incubators? Sigourney Weaver is fierce in this movie as the heroine, Ripley. Have you ever noticed that sea monkeys look a lot like face huggers? Raise your hand if you’re now afraid of sea monkeys.

3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
There is a 1956 and 1994 version of this movie and the 2007 Nicole Kidman movie, The Invasion, follows the same plot and is fairly entertaining, but I think the 1978 version is the one that creeps me out the most. How many times have you heard someone say “He/she is acting like a pod person?” This movie is to blame. Alien pods clone the people of San Francisco and replace them. To me, there is nothing more terrifying than the thought that your loved one is in fact an evil alien clone. Or a Republican. (she kids! ~wht)

4. The Thing (1982)
As if the isolation of an arctic research station isn’t eery enough, how about the alien creature killing and cloning the men there? Add to that the majesty that is Kurt Russell’s mullet and a young(ish) Wilford Brimley and you have a classic horror movie that is a must-see from director John Carpenter. The most chilling scene is when the men are chained together as their blood is tested for the presence of alien material and of course, one of the men is not human…

5. V – The Complete Series (1984)
This made-for-tv mini-series traumatized me. Lizard-faced aliens wearing rubber human masks claim to come in peace, but instead are robbing the planet of its resources and using our people as food. The scene that stuck with me is the pregnant teenager, Robin, giving birth to alien hybrid twins. One is a green lizard creature and the other a little girl…with a lizard tongue. I don’t have children and I think this series is partly to blame. Keep your eyes open for a young Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger) as a friendly alien.

6. Lifeforce (1985)
Alien vampires from outer space. Need I say more? I’m thinking they probably don’t want to braid our hair or talk about boys.

7. Night of the Creeps (1986)
Alien slugs fall to Earth in the 1950’s and infect a young man. It’s 1986 and two college kids (one of them is Jason Lively, Gossip Girl Blake Lively’s older brother) stumble into a secret lab on campus and accidentally revive the guy’s zombie-like corpse that is now filled with alien slugs. Thousands of these slug-like creeps infect the student body for a night of zombie mayhem!

8. They Live (1988)
One of my favorite movie quotes comes from this movie: “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I’m all out of bubblegum.” John Carpenter directs this evil alien movie starring Rowdy Roddy Piper. Aliens have taken over the planet and are using subliminal messages to control our minds to keep us in a state of mindless consumerism, the aliens being the ones to profit. This movie features one of the longest fight scenes ever (over 5 minutes!) between two good guys (Roddy Piper and Keith David) when Piper’s character, Nada, wants David’s character, Frank, to try on the sunglasses that will wake him up to the alien invasion. Hilarity ensues.

9. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
The title pretty much says it all. Killer clowns from outer space come to a small town, enslave the townsfolk in balls of cotton candy that liquifies them and turns them into people Capri Suns. They also make balloon animal dogs that attack. Like regular clowns weren’t scary enough. This movie is so badass.

Stay tuned for next week for Signs Your Child Might Be Evil.

Filed in: read, watch, listen

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