Scary Movie Series: Signs Your Child Might Be Evil
Motherhood. One of the most rewarding roles a woman can hold. Or so I’ve heard. Having a child brings a time in your life filled with late night feedings, diaper changes, spelling bees, recitals, soccer games and trying to destroy said child because it is the vessel of Satan…Okay, so maybe that last part doesn’t apply to you, but if you think it does, you probably should seek professional help ASAP.
Everyone wants to believe that their little angel is the sweetest, cutest, smartest, most wonderful child ever. Nobody wants to believe that their child is evil incarnate. I mean, you have the terrible twos and then the teen years, so obviously, your child is capable of evil, but how do you know if your child isn’t just going through a phase? Watch these movies and compare!
1. The Bad Seed
If people are dropping dead like flies around your child, it is not a coincidence. Sorry to say, your kid is probably a psychopathic killer. Unless the people dropping dead are over 80, then that’s just bad luck. The little girl who plays the killer in this movie has braided pigtails that are so freaking tight, I’d probably kill, too!
2. The Exorcist
Is your daughter a teenager? Is her new bff a spirit she contacted using a Ouija board named “Captain Howdy”? Is she speaking in tongues even though she hasn’t studied to be a foreign exchange student? Does she vomit split pea soup even though she hasn’t eaten any split pea soup recently? Can her head spin 360 degrees? Yep. She’s evil. The good news is she’s only possessed, so there’s a chance you can get your surly teen back! The only time Linda Blair was scarier was when she was in a coke-fueled binge and dating Rick James!
3. Carrie
Is your daughter a teenager? Can she move things with her mind? Everybody knows that teenage girls are inherently evil and this goes double if she has telekinetic powers. You might not want to throw bibles at her or call her breasts “dirty pillows”. Maybe be a little nicer to her if she comes home from the prom covered in pigs’ blood. I’m just saying. Behind the scenes Sissy Spacek had to sleep in her bloody makeup and prom frock for three, whole days so the continuity of the prom scene wouldn’t be ruined.
4. The Omen
It is wishful thinking to hope that birthmark reads “999″. Being the antichrist isn’t a phase, either. Just admit it, your adopted child is Satan Junior. Harvey Stephens, the child who played Damien Thorn, won this role after he punched the director, Richard Donner, in the groin during his audition. Now that’s evil!
5. Children of the Corn
Do you live in Nebraska? Is your small town surrounded by corn fields? Are the kids talking about their new bff, “He who walks behind the rows”? Face it, it’s just a matter of time until they start systematically killing anyone over 18, so you need to leave town NOW. Courtney Gains as Malachai screaming “Outlander” is probably the most unintentionally hilarious scene ever. Check it out on youtube.
6. Pet Sematary
Do not bury your dead child in an Indian burial ground used as a pet cemetery hoping to bring him back to life. He most certainly will come back evil and not in that refusing to clean his room or eat brussel sprouts kind of way. Miko Hughes as Gage is so creepy, you almost forget he’s the same kid who says “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina” in Kindergarten Cop. (Ahh! Talk about a scary movie – lovable Arnold movies confuse and frighten me ~ Tyna)
7. Village of the Damned
Have there been a bunch of immaculate conceptions in your small town? Do all of the kids have white-blonde hair and blue eyes and your town is not located in Sweden? Do people die under accidental circumstances around these children? Do their eyes glow right before something bad happens? These kids are definitely evil! The 1960 version is chilling, but I enjoy this version, mostly because Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) is in it. Yes, I am a nerd.
Have a Happy Halloween, everybody!
Filed in: read, watch, listen
15 responses so far ↓
omfg, I love The Bad Seed! It’s so camp, every character is more ridiculous than the next. And the ending? Pure genius. (I won’t spoil it, just go rent it.) Look at that pic, what a lil’ angel!
I can (and do) watch Carrie anytime it’s on TV. “They’re all going to laugh at you!” is a very popular quote in our circle.
I think this list has the most movies I’ve seen on it. Maybe it’s why I’m without child?!
stef´s last blog ..Understanding Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab
Hahaha…My hubby and I are constantly saying in that shrill voice “They’re all going to laugh at you!”, too!
If you saw pictures of my hubby when he was a wee lad, with his white-blonde hair and blue eyes, you’d definitely see some similarities between him and those kids from “Village of the Damned”.
Stef—I think evil children movies have at least an 50% effect on why I don’t have kids. I mean, at best they grow up to hate you. At worst, they could be the antichrist. You just never know!
Rhoda is the best child villain ever!! Mary Janes ankle socks and a demonic brain… GENIUS!!!
And Carrie… ahhh
But Children of the Corn…. that scared the pants off of me.. ahhhh
I hate driving by corn fields to this day.
I think the most evil child baby is Rosmary’s Baby.. demon in the womb.. ahhhhhhh LOL
I have to say, Krista your movie reviews have been a highlight of my October!!
I love the Bad Seed too, that’s a great still of angry little Rhoda! Did you know it was a Broadway play for awhile too!
speaking of broadway, how great would a musical version of Children of the Corn be! ha!
Wow, this list of scary flicks brings back memories.. I can remember seeing all of these, like it was yesterday.. talk about goosebumps and chicken skin. They just dont’ make movies like they used to!
I can’t believe I’ve never seen The Bad Seed! I feel like I must have at one point, but no I have not.
I love how everyone loves “They’re all gonna laugh at you!” from Carrie. One of my very favorite horror movies ever. It’s just the best quote to throw out in a near hysterical screechy voice!
Tyna Werner´s last blog ..Green Monday – Honey Pumpkin Spread Recipe
Tyna you have to see the Bad Seed!!! It’s sooooo good!!!
AHHH! I HATE scary children movies, i think they freak me out more than any other kind of scary movie type of villian… I’ve seen all the movies on this list and am terrified of them all. (Undead evil children are the WORST. “Pet Sematary”, anyone?
An interesting fact about The Bad Seed; the movie’s endng was changed from the book and play because of the Hays Code. Evil-doers had to be punished, so the movie ends the way it did, with the book and play ending very differently. (And more creepy, in my opinion….)
This is the one type of scary movie I hate watch. I still can’t get over Gage in Pet Sematary. Whenever I meet a kid with that name I instantly think that kid is evil. Children of the Corn and The Omen freaked me out too. I think my mind just won’t let me accept kids can be that evil. Great picks Krista. These are some of the scariest movies in my opinion.
Krista – I need your horror movie knowledge! Ever since this list in your Scary Movie Series, I’ve been thinking of a so bad it was good horror movie I saw in the 80’s.
I think it was a straight to HBO type of movie and takes place in a High School where someone (evil nerd? Psycho cheerleader? Bitter teacher? I can’t remember) is going all psycho killer and gruesomely killing all of (I think the cool) kids.
I do remember two of the deaths. One was Death by a Walkman where the headphones zaps and liquefies some guys’ brains. The other one involved a convoluted plot of an empty pool, a temporary black out and the star of the diving team – Splat! It was awesome! Any ideas of what this movie could be?
Tyna Werner´s last blog ..New from Hourglass, Fall 09 review
I’m not 100%, but the pool thing sounds like “Massacre at Central High”—I think a nerd was killing the popular kids in that and one of the deaths was by diving in an empty swimming pool. I haven’t seen that since a sleepover in 4th grade, though, so I can’t be sure on that. At first I thought it was “Student Bodies”, but those aren’t deaths in that movie b/c the guys all die in that by being put alive into garbage bags and the killer is “The Breather”. THAT movie is hilarious and a must-see, btw
Alyssa—How did the Bad Seed book and play end? I’ve only seen the movie.
Totally random, but does anyone remember “Mr. Belvedere”? The girl who played the teen daughter’s little sister played the evil little girl in the made-for-tv remake of “The Bad Seed”—I remember thinking it was such a crap movie even then and I was only 8!
Have a Happy Halloween, outlanders!
That’s it Krista – thanks! I just looked it up and learned “Despite its title, it is not at all a slasher film; the movie is more an odd and violent political allegory,” and “The much-better-known 1989 film Heathers borrowed several plot elements from Massacre at Central High.” Fun – can’t wait to see it again after so many years.
Tyna Werner´s last blog ..Etsy 4 for Friday – Pa Dutch style
Alyssa, what happens in the play and book at the end? When I saw the movie for the first time I looked this up and learned of the Hays Code because the ending is so “wha?!”
And who’s Hays anyway, and why is he so fussy that he has a code?
stef´s last blog ..Betty’s Speakeasy Fudge – review
Krista and Stef:
They end with the mom actually dying from the suicide attempt and Rhoda spitting out the pills and talking to her dead mommy… I think the ‘85 TV movie ended the same, though I haven’t seen it. I REALLY wish I could find the final speech somewhere because it’s super creepy…
The Hays Code was like MPAA ratings, but they kept films for 50 years from doing scandalous things like lustful kissing or suggestive dancing or exccessive drinking…you know, things that are awesome.
Hays had to have been a hall monitor as a child. HAD to have been…
Let us know what you think below...