Girls Recap: Season 3, Episode 25, “Only Child”

With Girls, the general trend seems to be that Hannah and co. behave badly over and over, pushing us to the point of writing them off entirely – until something major happens to elicit some empathy once again, like Hannah’s breakdown last season. Only five episodes in, Hannah is already REALLY pushing her luck, guys. She’s gonna have to, I don’t know, rescue an entire pack of starving street puppies/work at ten soup kitchens/join the Peace Corps to redeem herself, at this point.

Exhibit A: David’s funeral. The only thing Hannah did right was wear black; otherwise, her behavior was nakedly, desperately inappropriate. She did get points for clocking Zadie Smith and Michiko Kakutani, but it’s all downhill from there. When she takes Adam over to meet David’s assistant (who appears to be twelve years old – the Doogie Howser of the literary world?) David’s wife appears. Yep, his wife.

Before Hannah can grasp the fact that David was married to a chick, his grieving widow mistakes Hannah for another one of David’s writers – an outspoken, obese girl with Tourette’s. That’s pretty awkward on the widow’s part, admittedly. But Hannah promptly tops that by 1) pretty much skywriting “I thought David was GAY” to his widow and 2) being so Pushy McPusherton about her e-book (David’s publisher is dropping all prior projects) and wanting contact info for a new publisher that the widow’s response is “If I give you a name, will you get the f*** out of here?”

Meanwhile, the only good thing happening to Jessa is that she has a piece of clothing that may have once belonged to poet Edna St. Vincent Millay. I mean, I’d be pretty psyched about that. Jessa is still angry about her friend’s fake death, but Shosh is fed up with Jessa, period. She needs to study – there’s a fifteen year plan in place, and Jessa is ruining it with all her moping around. Later, out on the street, Jessa tells Shosh she wants to start improving herself. First step? Start smoking e-cigarettes, which Jessa hilariously describes as “space cigs invented by Stephen Dorf.” Next up, apply for a job at a children’s store. The whole working with children thing didn’t work out so well last time (remember her stint as a nanny?) but Jessa wants work with a “touch of innocence,” so criminal record or no, she’s applying.

Back at Hannah’s, Adam and Caroline are busy screaming at each other like lunatics. Hannah does her best Dr. Phil impersonation and tries to mediate. Turns out, Adam feels that Caroline “is an evil person who pukes on everything, metaphorically.” That’s a pretty apt descriptor for Hannah most of the time, too, isn’t it?

At any rate, after Caroline accuses Adam of repressing his desire to sleep with her (ewwwwww) the two of them get into it physically. Okay, that last part didn’t sound right – they started fighting, I mean. They calm down, apologize to each other, and Hannah takes a call from Marnie but promptly blows her off because “we’re having a moment over here.” No biggie, Marnie’s new kitten will just be her BFF, then.

Hannah gets to meet with her new publisher, and man, she really pushes the whole “haha, I’m from the Midwest so I’m super fat, aren’t I outrageous and honest?” angle. The publisher wants to put out Hannah’s essays as a real book, with pages and everything, and Hannah is so excited that she kind of dorks out. Afterwards, though, the sweet ice-cream taste of victory turns to ashes in her mouth when her dad calls bearing bad news. He had Hannah’s lawyer cousin check out her e-book contract, and it seems the publisher retains all rights for three years. Also, her dad had a “small procedure” done, but Hannah couldn’t care less – she’s devastated that her book is effectively under lockdown.

While Hannah is busy having a tantrum, Marnie shows up at Ray’s. After blithely insulting his apartment, she asks Ray to tell her everything that’s wrong with her as a person, because that kind of request always ends well. Ray obliges – he tells her she’s judgmental, uptight, uses people, and is essentially “a huge fat f****** phony.” Couldn’t have said it better myself, Ray.

Of course, he promptly undercuts that good deed by having sex with MarnieI AM SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU NOW, RAY. Afterwards, it’s super awkward between the two of them; when Ray suggests they keep their creeping on the DL, Marnie snaps, “Go f*** yourself. Like I’d advertise this.” Is it wrong to hope that Shosh finds out about this and, like, stomps Marnie down with her platforms or slaps her with a hair donut or something?

When Hannah gets back to her apartment, she tells Caroline about the demise of her book. Caroline, to her credit, is trying to be supportive and calm, at least until she starts criticizing Adam and saying he should be there for Hannah. Hannah loses it and flips out, unleashing all the vitriol that’s been building up inside. She tells Caroline to get out.

When Adam comes home and learns Hannah kicked Caroline out, he’s incredulous: “I’m supposed to be taking care of her.” You know how it is: you’re allowed to harsh on your own sibling as much as you want, but it’s NOT COOL when someone else hurts them…even if your sibling is, say, totally nutso.

We end with a familiar sight – Hannah in a depressive torpor on the couch. It’s enough to make me want to go smoke one of those cigs that Stephen Dorf invented.

Fashion: I did kind of like Hannah’s funeral dress, and I marveled at her crop-top studded with lizards, which is a repeat item. Also, I did you guys a HUGE favor…if you, too, want to be covered in plastic lizards, check out the Toy Syndrome Etsy shop!

Readers – Were you mad that Ray slept with Marnie? Who else thinks that Marnie’s kitten needs more lines? And can Hannah sink any lower?

Photos and video via HBO

Amity writes and teaches in Central PA. Her obsessions include: Rodarte (she can’t afford any Rodarte, mind you, but a girl can dream), espresso, books, vintage/thrift fashion and fountain pens. She thinks you should dress like a weirdo once in a while, just to shake things up.

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Written by amity

5 Comments

  1. Profile photo of turboterp
    turboterp

    I apologize for hating on Girls last week, because this week’s episode was pretty good! Yeah, it was uncomfortable and icky, but I should be used to that by now, right? I love that Marnie and Ray had sex, because now I can’t wait to see the fallout. Please let Shosh find out! “Go f*** yourself. Like I’d advertise this.”– LOVE it!
    But darn, @amity … the lizard shirt is sold out!

  2. Profile photo of amity
    amity

    It was soooo funny this week–I love all the insider-y writer snark. And boo to the lizard masterpiece being sold out. I feel like we could make similar ones, only maybe like John Waters’ homages–baby doll heads that we draw skinny mustaches on, perhaps?

  3. Profile photo of heather
    heather

    @amity More mad at Ray for doing it than Marnie, but Marine’s retort was terrible! Right up there with “fancy people want me” or whatever it was she said about fancy people. I did totally laugh when she told the kitten it was her best friend though! It TV world I hope Shosh finds out but in real life, that would be such a hurtful thing to learn.

    1. Profile photo of amity
      amity

      Yeah, I am pretty livid with Ray! I hope Shosh finds out too, but you’re right, not cool in real life. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

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