Lips, prepare to be wowed by Ellis Faas...

March 17th, 2010 in beauty & fashion, reviews by Krista Patterson

When I received a couple of lip products for review from the brand, Ellis Faas, my first thought was Who/What the heck is Ellis Faas? The answer to my question made me very excited to open the boxes. She is a European makeup artist that Vogue Paris hailed as one of the most influential make-up artists of her time. Originally from Amsterdam, Faas trained in Paris and received her big break working with famed fashion photographer Mario Testino. Since being discovered back in 1999, Faas has gone on to work for Karl Lagerfeld, heading the makeup for Fendi and Chanel fashion shows and is in high demand working on international fashion magazines. Ten years after she began making a name for herself in the business, she debuted her own makeup line in early 2009. While Ellis Faas is not a household name in the States yet, judging by her previous successes, it’s just a matter of time.

Ellis Faas dubbed her new collection Human Colours and looked to the human body for her inspiration. Every shade is inspired by colors that exist in the human body. From the tawny peach of a freckle to the vivid red that pulses through our veins. The idea is that because these shades naturally occur within, they are flattering to every skin tone (which they clearly illustrate on the site by showing each lip color on white, dark and Asian skin tones, as shown above from the left. Brilliant~wht) If the concept on color wasn’t innovative enough, all Ellis Faas products, save for the powder, are packaged in somewhat lethal-looking, bullet-shaped click pens that can be kept in the Ellis Faas Holder, a canister that keeps all Ellis Faas products neatly organized in your purse.

We were fortunate to receive an assortment of Ellis Faas lip products to review. Paraben-free and chock full of vitamin E, they are available in three textures: creamy, milky, and glazed. Creamy Lips offers a classic lipstick look in a long-wearing creamy texture. Milky Lips is more of a liquid lip color with semi-opaque, buildable coverage. Glazed Lips is an ultra-wet, glossy look in sheer, long-lasting vibrant colors that can be blotted for a more stained look. With 27 gorgeous shades, you will definitely be coveting these lip colors!

I got to test Creamy Lips in L101 (top row), also known as Ellis Red (their signature color) and the only shade that is available in all three textures. The color is a gorgeous deep, true red that would flatter everyone. It has a sponge tipped applicator and you only need the smallest amount for a perfect application. You can apply it heavily for a creamy feel or apply lightly for a deep, matte stain that lasts all day. Seriously, it really does last ALL day. I put it on at 9 a.m. and I still had a trace of pink on my lips when it was time for bed. I think everyone may NEED this shade. It’s like a Goldilocks shade of red–it’s not too blue, not too orange, but just right.

I also received Milky Lips in L208 (middle row), a cantaloupe nude. This product is like a creamy, thinner lipstick that applies translucently with a brush tip applicator. I think I’ll have to try this in a different shade because nudes really don’t work with my pale coloring and this one was no different (it turns an orangey nude on me). I will say that the product had fairly good longevity for this texture (though not as staining as the Creamy Lips), so if you find the right shade for you, this is a nice mix of gloss and liquid lipstick.

Sadly, I did not get to test Glazed Lips in L304 (bottom row), but based on the gorgeous pop of sheer coral orange in the photos, I think the members of the review panel that did will be singing their praise for this. I can’t wait to hear more about the Glazed Lips texture or this gorgeous shade!

For now, you’ll need to purchase these from their website (where it sells for 25 Euros, which is about $34. Not cheap, but we think they’re worth it!), or in-store at Bergdorf Goodman (who, as you know, carries only the most luxurious lines).

Review team: Do you heart Ellis Faas as much as I’m starting to?

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Disclosure: This review includes products that were provided by the manufacturer/PR firm for our consideration. For more info, or any questions, please see our disclosure policy.

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Chef'n kitchen tools - review

March 1st, 2010 in eat, drink, be merry, reviews by Krista Patterson

Kitchen products that no cook should be without.

As some of you already know, I like to cook. With that comes a love of kitchen gadgets. I love them even more when said gadgets can make tedious kitchen tasks simpler and dare I say, fun. Thanks to the folks at Chef’n, I am now spending even more time in the kitchen and not minding it at all.

Chef’n is a Seattle-based company, founded by inventor David Holcomb, that strives to “make better tools so you can make better food”. Chef’n has made an art of reinventing old standards and making them, well…better. Creating completely new products that will surely one day become old standards. Their offerings include a variety of salt and pepper grinders, assorted gadgets, salad tools, general kitchen tools, and their CleanGenuity line of cleaning tools and accessories. With over 250 innovative product patents worldwide, Chef’n really does have a little something for everybody.

The lovely people at Chef’n were kind enough to send us a few of their fabulous kitchen and salad gadgets to try, including:

• Mini Magnetic Salt and Pepper Grinders – Shaped like a bunny face, they stick to your refrigerator.
• SleekSlice Collapsible Hand-Held Mandoline – Thinly sliced veggies with no cut fingers!
• Emulstir Emulsifier and Salad Dressing Maker – Gourmet dressing at the pump of your hand.
• Garlic Machine – The easiest way to enjoy freshly crushed garlic.

I was lucky enough to receive their VeggiChop to use in my own kitchen (it’s on the bottom shelf, farthest right in the image). It sounds like an exaggeration, but it really changed the way I cook.

The VeggiChop is like a hand-powered food chopper that you can control the degree of chopping. The construction is simple: a generously-sized plastic bowl with a non-skid rubber ring on the bottom and a patented blade mechanism that is controlled by a pull ring on the lid of the chopper. To use the VeggiChop, you simply have to put whatever you want to chop in the bowl, close the lid, press one hand firmly on the lid, and take the ring on top of the lid with the other hand and give it a few good pulls for a coarse chop and about 20 for a very fine chop or a puree, depending on what you are chopping. It’s as simple at that.

You really can do pretty much anything with this little chopper. In the time I’ve had it, I’ve made salsa, chopped nuts, tearlessly chopped onions, used it to puree sweet potatoes and mash regular potatoes, chopped up some apples to put in my oatmeal—the possibilities are endless! If you can imagine it, you can probably do it with this little gadget. I am already trying to narrow down the list of which Chef’n product I will be adding to my kitchen next!

Don’t forget to check the comments for the we heart this review team’s thoughts and experiences with the products listed above. And readers, have you tried any Chef’n products? Let us know what you would recommend!

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Alice Supply Co. review

January 19th, 2010 in home & living, reviews by Krista Patterson

I hate cleaning. I mean, I HATE cleaning. Unfortunately, I’m a neat freak who likes a clean house. I know, it’s contradictory. In any case, I’m constantly looking for things that make the act of cleaning not a complete act of drudgery.

Battling my cleaning dread is Alice Supply Co. Founded by former fashion industry executives Maria Barnes and Raili Clasen, Alice Supply Co. takes something as blah as a dustpan and turns it into something with some personality and pizazz. The brand displays its own personality and wit in its name, the moniker being a nod to the Brady Bunch’s lovable housekeeper, Alice. The housewares made available by this company have such a great retro vibe but with a modern sensibility that makes everything they sell nearly irresistible.

Alice Supply Co. takes an everyday, boring household item and turns it into a work of usable art. We were lucky enough to test out several of Alice Supply Co.’s well-crafted and whimsical wares, including their bucket, sponge set, dustpan, and matching (but sold separately) brush. The brand also offers other home essentials, from a toolbox that is to-die-for, to a standard toilet plunger that is anything but standard. Available in a variety of fun patterns and hues (including bright stripes, camouflage, wood paneling, and bright solid shades), there is something that will appeal to anybody, male or female. These products are so much fun to look at, that you will actually WANT to use them too!

I was the proud recipient of the striped dustpan and brush. I have to say, these are the most well-made, sturdy cleaning wares I now own. All of my other housewares are jealous. I can tell. The pan itself is a very durable metal that could quite possibly double up as a weapon, should I ever be attacked by ninjas whilst sweeping up crumbs (hey, it could happen…). It has a rubber ramp at the opening of the pan so that it catches and keeps everything you sweep into it. The brush is a hefty, wooden construction with densely packed bristles. But don’t think these two are just a pretty face—they pick up every particle of debris you are trying to clean up and the craftsmanship on these is so high quality, that I’ll have them forever!

I think Alice Supply Co.’s Manifesto best explains why you need to have this brand in your home. Here it is, in part: We believe that the humble dustpan’s days of being shoved away in the closet will soon be over: that a toolbox has feelings, too. We also believe that beige is not a real color, and that a plunger will soon once again rule the world. We think you feel the same way as we do.

I know I do! Do you feel the same way?

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Holiday Baking – yummy & moist Pumpkin Bread

December 7th, 2009 in eat, drink, be merry, recipes by Krista Patterson

photo: we heart this

Hooray – baking season is upon us! We just stocked up on the freshest spices known to mankind at the grand opening of the striking Spice Station in Silverlake, CA (more about this foodie haven in future wht posts), going for a holiday baking theme with fresh ground cinnamon bark, nutmeg, cloves and ginger included in our purchase. Just hours later, the fabulous Krista sent us this offering – a simple recipe for delicious, perfectly spiced and super moist Pumpkin Bread. ~wht

I love the holidays. I especially love the baking that occurs during the holidays. Now some people like to give cookies as gifts, and I love those people when I’m the recipient, but I personally love to give out pumpkin bread. It’s kind of my own personal holiday tradition. I’ve been making this recipe for about twelve years now. It’s my go-to hostess gift, coworker gift, holiday party offering and Christmas morning breakfast staple. This is the one baked good that I make that I always get asked for the recipe. Because it’s the holiday season and a time for giving, I’m going to share my favorite recipe with all of you!

• 3 1/2 c. flour
• 2 tsp. baking soda
• 1 1/2 tsp. salt
• 2 tsp. cinnamon
• 1 tsp. nutmeg
• 3 c. sugar
• 1 c. vegetable oil
• 4 eggs
• 2/3 c. water
• 2 c. canned pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie filling)
• Semi-sweet chocolate chips – optional

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Sift dry ingredients together.

3. Blend wet ingredients separately on low speed using either a stand mixer or hand mixer.

4. Add dry ingredients to wet mixture on low speed until thoroughly combined.

5. Pour into 2 greased loaf pans. If you are making mini loafs, one batch of this will fill approximately 6 mini loaf pans.

As you can see above, we went with mini loaves – they’re perfect for seasonal giving. And because chocolate makes everything better, we poured half the batter into three loaves, and then mixed in about a half bag of chocolate chips to the remaining batter for variety.

Tip: Lightly coat the chocolate chips with flour in a shallow bowl before adding to the batter. This keeps them all from sinking to the bottom of the pan. ~wht

6. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes or until knife inserted into center of loaf comes out clean. If using mini loaf pans, baking time will be about 30-35 minutes.

7. Place on wire cooling racks and cool completely before removing from pan.

8. Once fully cool, wrap loaves in plastic wrap or aluminum foil and let them “cure” for about 8 hours. This is an important step because the flavor of the bread is best after this resting time and when wrapped, the bread will become nice and soft.

If you are using those holiday print ceramic mini loaf pans (available at most craft stores) and giving them as part of your gift, cool the loaf in the pan and then wrap the entire pan and loaf in plastic wrap.

If you want to be festive, tie it up with a bow and add a colorful gift tag. I’m a firm believer that half the gift is in the presentation!

This is the best pumpkin bread recipe I’ve ever come across and it is always a crowd pleaser. I hope it pleases your own crowds! Happy Holidays!

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Smashbox Wish Holiday 2009

December 2nd, 2009 in beauty & fashion, reviews by Krista Patterson

If you read my post about the Smashbox Cosmetics Fall 2009 Reign collection, you know that I have been rather impressed with the offerings from this brand as of late. Just when it seems that most cosmetic companies are sacrificing quality and luxury, Smashbox continues to wow and impress with its Holiday 2009 Wish collection. With gifts starting at just $20, the new limited edition collection has something for everybody on your holiday shopping list.

If the dazzling sets weren’t enough to get you into the spirit of giving, $1 from every item purchased from the Wish collection will go to the Children’s Miracle Network, a non-profit organization that provides care and life-saving research for millions of sick or injured children by raising funds for children’s hospitals. Giving has never been this beautiful!

The Smashbox Wish Holiday Collection includes…

Eye Wish Palette($44/$234 value)
This generously sized eye palette contains 12 gorgeous eye shadows, 4 cream eye liners, a Photo Finish Lid Primer and a Get-the-Look booklet with instructions on how to get party perfect. Every color in this set is wearable, so there won’t be a wasted shade in the bunch and with all the color combinations possible, this is one set that you can really play with. I am a big fan of Smashbox shadows because they are finely milled and stay put, even on my oily lids, so if you’ve never tried their shadows or cream liners, this palette is a great way to fall in love with this brand.

Wish for the Perfect Tools($49/$134 value)
This set, which I was lucky enough to receive, contains five travel-sized brushes, four which are exclusive to the set. The brushes come packaged in a shimmering raspberry leatherette carrying case and have coordinating shimmering raspberry handles. The set includes a travel-sized angled blush brush, and exclusive to the kit are a blending brush, crease brush, shadow liner brush and angled precision liner brush. As anyone who owns Smashbox cosmetic brushes knows, these are top of the line, high quality brushes. All of the brushes in this set are brushes that I feel everyone should own, but if you are like me and feel that the standard sized #15 Definer/shadow liner brush is a little too big for applying Smashbox’s shadow liner, then you need this brush set if only for the travel sized one. The smaller sized brush took a product that I was never quite wowed by and made it something I now use everyday. This set needs to be in everyone’s stocking!

Wish for the Stars ($20/$48 value)
This set contains holiday essentials in convenient travel sizes and includes Lash DNA Mascara in Jet Black, Lip Enhancing Gloss in Illume, and Fusion Soft Lights in Dusk. If you want gorgeous lashes, full lips, and a glow that only Smashbox can provide, then this is the set for you! (And what a bargain at only 20 bucks! ~wht)

Wish for a Flawless Complexion ($39/$52 value)
This gift set contains a full-size and travel-size Photo Finish Foundation Primer, perfect for at home or on the go, so you can have a flawless face anywhere. I’m not usually a primer kind of girl, but the one from Smashbox is a winner. You’d need a magnifying glass to see my pores when I use this, so trust me, that’s impressive. The regular size primer goes for $36, so if you already use it, you can restock for yourself and for only $3 more, share the travel size with someone special!

Wish for the Perfect Pout
($29/$96 value)
This set is perfect for the gloss addict on your list and includes both best selling shades and exclusive holiday colors: Pout (baby doll pink), Luster (sheer golden pink), Tease (juicy raspberry), Candy (cotton candy pink), Aura (shimmery pink nude) and Radiant (shimmery pink plum). If you have never experienced the beauty of a Smashbox lip gloss, now is the time to try it—they are long-lasting, high impact glosses and for only $29 for six shades, this set is a steal!

Two items we didn’t get the chance to review, but that deserve a big beautiful shout out:

Wish For The Perfect Palette ($59/$225 value, offered exclusively at Ulta)
This palette is beyond impressive! This would be a perfect gift for the woman who has everything or for a young tween/teen who is just getting introduced to makeup. This palette includes 64 eye shadows, 8 cream eye liners, 6 brow tech powders, brow tech wax, 8 lip glosses, 2 blushes, complexion brightener, bronzer, highlighter, mini brushes (eye shadow brush, eye liner brush, and angled brow & lip brush), and a Get-the-Look insert with application tips. I checked this palette out for myself during my last Ulta run and you would be amazed at how much product they fit into this little beauty. I was like a kid in a candy store when I saw all of the colors and products offered inside. This is one covet-worthy palette! Move quick on this one people! Out of stock at Smashbox, not on Ulta.com, but you still may be able to get it in store…

Wish For The Perfect Pencils($32/$80 value, offered exclusively at Sephora)
This set contains five long-wearing eye pencils in limited edition shades and includes: Celebrate (silver), Wish (peacock), Dream (black), Hope (purple), and Love (bronze). These eye pencils smudge nicely and have fantastic staying power. The Wish and Hope shades are especially stunning. For a holiday look, I love doing black liner on my top lid and then smudging a colored pencil into my lower lashes for a hint of drama. It’s subtle, but lovely. These were going quickly at my local Sephora, so if you are on the fence about these, don’t wait too long!

Review Team- let us know your thoughts on the set you received. And readers, is anybody else out there hoping to find a little something from Smashbox in their stocking this year?

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The Republic of Tea - review

November 25th, 2009 in eat, drink, be merry, reviews by Krista Patterson

I am a tea snob. I freely admit it. My snobbery dates back over ten years ago when I was still in college. I was never much of a tea drinker until the fateful afternoon that I sampled a tea from The Republic of Tea. After one sip of their Ginger Peach full-leaf black tea, I was hooked. I’m talking, buying tea over groceries or booze hooked; a big commitment for a college student. Over the years, I’ve tried other brands, but it only takes me one sip to know they just aren’t the same quality I’ve grown accustomed to. The Republic of Tea is simply the best tea I’ve ever had.

One of the things I love about The Republic of Tea is that they are very serious about their teas. I mean, they literally created an entire republic around it. In a message from their Minister of Teas (These folks mean business!), it states “When we set out to form our small republic, our not so covert mission was to create a Tea Revolution. Our purpose is to enrich people’s lives through the experience of fine tea and the Sip by Sip life – a life of health, balance, and well-being”.

The Republic of Tea offers a tea for everybody. I don’t know of any other brand that offers the vast selection this company does. Their offerings include a variety of Chai, Red, Black, Oolong, Green, White, and Herbal teas. You can find full-leaf or bagged teas and you can even find iced teas on their site. They have comprehensive tea collections, such as their Little Citizens’ line of caffeine-free herbal tea for children, perfect for your little one’s tea parties. They even offer small traveler’s tins so you can take their teas wherever you go.

On top of partnering with more than just a few charities, The Republic of Tea is also a member of the Ethical Tea Partnership, which is an alliance of tea packers which “aims to improve the lives of tea workers and to ensure that tea drinkers can be confident that the tea in their cup has been produced under good social and environmental conditions.” Not only are you getting personal enjoyment from their tea, but you’re helping your fellow man! How much more persuasion do you need?

Thanks to Marideth Post, their Minister of Enlightenment, we received some of their newer teas to sample. I was lucky enough to try their Double Dark Chocolate Mate’, which is a roasted organic Yerba Mate’, an herbal tea from South America, blended with organic, dark cocoa powder. The tea is packaged in their standard recyclable, airtight tin which keeps the contents fresh for what seems like forever. Best of all, the tin is refillable, a must for those of you who have gone green. Once brewed, the tea this creates is dark and slightly sweet and almost sinful. I haven’t been able to start my mornings without a cup of this caffeinated herbal tea. It’s both soothing and energizing at the same time and I am almost too distracted by how amazing it smells to drink it. Almost. If you love tea and you love chocolate, this tea is a must-have.

Cori will be by in the comments to tell you about the joys of Caramel Apple Red Tea, which I would imagine is as delicious as it sounds.

Is anybody else out there a Citizen of the Republic?

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Scary Movie Series: Signs Your Child Might Be Evil

October 27th, 2009 in read, watch, listen by Krista Patterson

Motherhood. One of the most rewarding roles a woman can hold. Or so I’ve heard. Having a child brings a time in your life filled with late night feedings, diaper changes, spelling bees, recitals, soccer games and trying to destroy said child because it is the vessel of Satan…Okay, so maybe that last part doesn’t apply to you, but if you think it does, you probably should seek professional help ASAP.

Everyone wants to believe that their little angel is the sweetest, cutest, smartest, most wonderful child ever. Nobody wants to believe that their child is evil incarnate. I mean, you have the terrible twos and then the teen years, so obviously, your child is capable of evil, but how do you know if your child isn’t just going through a phase? Watch these movies and compare!

1. The Bad Seed (1956)
If people are dropping dead like flies around your child, it is not a coincidence. Sorry to say, your kid is probably a psychopathic killer. Unless the people dropping dead are over 80, then that’s just bad luck. The little girl who plays the killer in this movie has braided pigtails that are so freaking tight, I’d probably kill, too!

2. The Exorcist (1973)
Is your daughter a teenager? Is her new bff a spirit she contacted using a Ouija board named “Captain Howdy”? Is she speaking in tongues even though she hasn’t studied to be a foreign exchange student? Does she vomit split pea soup even though she hasn’t eaten any split pea soup recently? Can her head spin 360 degrees? Yep. She’s evil. The good news is she’s only possessed, so there’s a chance you can get your surly teen back! The only time Linda Blair was scarier was when she was in a coke-fueled binge and dating Rick James!

3. Carrie (1976)
Is your daughter a teenager? Can she move things with her mind? Everybody knows that teenage girls are inherently evil and this goes double if she has telekinetic powers. You might not want to throw bibles at her or call her breasts “dirty pillows”. Maybe be a little nicer to her if she comes home from the prom covered in pigs’ blood. I’m just saying. Behind the scenes Sissy Spacek had to sleep in her bloody makeup and prom frock for three, whole days so the continuity of the prom scene wouldn’t be ruined.

4. The Omen (1976)
It is wishful thinking to hope that birthmark reads “999″. Being the antichrist isn’t a phase, either. Just admit it, your adopted child is Satan Junior. Harvey Stephens, the child who played Damien Thorn, won this role after he punched the director, Richard Donner, in the groin during his audition. Now that’s evil!

5. Children of the Corn (1984)
Do you live in Nebraska? Is your small town surrounded by corn fields? Are the kids talking about their new bff, “He who walks behind the rows”? Face it, it’s just a matter of time until they start systematically killing anyone over 18, so you need to leave town NOW. Courtney Gains as Malachai screaming “Outlander” is probably the most unintentionally hilarious scene ever. Check it out on youtube.

6. Pet Sematary (1989)
Do not bury your dead child in an Indian burial ground used as a pet cemetery hoping to bring him back to life. He most certainly will come back evil and not in that refusing to clean his room or eat brussel sprouts kind of way. Miko Hughes as Gage is so creepy, you almost forget he’s the same kid who says “Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina” in Kindergarten Cop. (Ahh! Talk about a scary movie – lovable Arnold movies confuse and frighten me ~ Tyna)

7. Village of the Damned (1995)
Have there been a bunch of immaculate conceptions in your small town? Do all of the kids have white-blonde hair and blue eyes and your town is not located in Sweden? Do people die under accidental circumstances around these children? Do their eyes glow right before something bad happens? These kids are definitely evil! The 1960 version is chilling, but I enjoy this version, mostly because Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) is in it. Yes, I am a nerd.

Have a Happy Halloween, everybody!

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Scary Movie Series: Those Aliens Do Not Come In Peace

October 20th, 2009 in read, watch, listen by Krista Patterson

I don’t know how many times a person needs to see a movie about aliens to know that they do not come in peace, they do not want to be our friends, and they do not want to share their technology with us. It is all a ruse! More likely than not, they want to enslave us, eat us, or steal our planet’s natural resources. You only have to hear so many stories about guys named Joe Bob who claim to have been abducted by aliens and anal probed to know that these creatures are not our friends. Unless you’re into that sort of thing…

Always remember that aliens do not come in peace. These movies will show you why.

1. The Blob (1958)
This classic horror movie stars a young Steve McQueen trying to save his small town from an alien menace that threatens to absorb everything in its path. After I saw this movie, I was afraid to eat Jello.

2. Alien (1978)
What could possibly go wrong on a space ship with a bunch of face-hugging aliens that gestate using humans as incubators? Sigourney Weaver is fierce in this movie as the heroine, Ripley. Have you ever noticed that sea monkeys look a lot like face huggers? Raise your hand if you’re now afraid of sea monkeys.

3. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
There is a 1956 and 1994 version of this movie and the 2007 Nicole Kidman movie, The Invasion, follows the same plot and is fairly entertaining, but I think the 1978 version is the one that creeps me out the most. How many times have you heard someone say “He/she is acting like a pod person?” This movie is to blame. Alien pods clone the people of San Francisco and replace them. To me, there is nothing more terrifying than the thought that your loved one is in fact an evil alien clone. Or a Republican. (she kids! ~wht)

4. The Thing (1982)
As if the isolation of an arctic research station isn’t eery enough, how about the alien creature killing and cloning the men there? Add to that the majesty that is Kurt Russell’s mullet and a young(ish) Wilford Brimley and you have a classic horror movie that is a must-see from director John Carpenter. The most chilling scene is when the men are chained together as their blood is tested for the presence of alien material and of course, one of the men is not human…

5. V – The Complete Series (1984)
This made-for-tv mini-series traumatized me. Lizard-faced aliens wearing rubber human masks claim to come in peace, but instead are robbing the planet of its resources and using our people as food. The scene that stuck with me is the pregnant teenager, Robin, giving birth to alien hybrid twins. One is a green lizard creature and the other a little girl…with a lizard tongue. I don’t have children and I think this series is partly to blame. Keep your eyes open for a young Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger) as a friendly alien.

6. Lifeforce (1985)
Alien vampires from outer space. Need I say more? I’m thinking they probably don’t want to braid our hair or talk about boys.

7. Night of the Creeps (1986)
Alien slugs fall to Earth in the 1950’s and infect a young man. It’s 1986 and two college kids (one of them is Jason Lively, Gossip Girl Blake Lively’s older brother) stumble into a secret lab on campus and accidentally revive the guy’s zombie-like corpse that is now filled with alien slugs. Thousands of these slug-like creeps infect the student body for a night of zombie mayhem!

8. They Live (1988)
One of my favorite movie quotes comes from this movie: “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and I’m all out of bubblegum.” John Carpenter directs this evil alien movie starring Rowdy Roddy Piper. Aliens have taken over the planet and are using subliminal messages to control our minds to keep us in a state of mindless consumerism, the aliens being the ones to profit. This movie features one of the longest fight scenes ever (over 5 minutes!) between two good guys (Roddy Piper and Keith David) when Piper’s character, Nada, wants David’s character, Frank, to try on the sunglasses that will wake him up to the alien invasion. Hilarity ensues.

9. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)
The title pretty much says it all. Killer clowns from outer space come to a small town, enslave the townsfolk in balls of cotton candy that liquifies them and turns them into people Capri Suns. They also make balloon animal dogs that attack. Like regular clowns weren’t scary enough. This movie is so badass.

Stay tuned for next week for Signs Your Child Might Be Evil.

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Scary Movie Series: Why Babysitters Aren't Paid Enough

October 13th, 2009 in read, watch, listen by Krista Patterson

It’s a rite of passage for many a young girl; babysitting. Best case scenario: a well-stocked fridge, potty-trained kids, and a decent wage under the table. Worst: trying to escape a psycho who wants to see if you’re as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside via butcher knife. How do you know which scenario you are entering? You don’t. All I can tell you is that to survive, you need to keep a few things in mind:

• If you are receiving prank phone calls, they are probably coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE.
• If you hear a strange knock at the door after midnight, DO NOT ANSWER IT.
• If the kid you’re sitting for has a creepy doll that wants to watch the 9 o’clock news, LET HIM.

Or, if you want to guarantee your survival, DON’T BABYSIT! Maybe try working at McDonald’s instead. I’m just saying. If you babysit, you are as good as dead. Don’t believe me? Watch these films to see for yourself.

1. Fright (1971)
A night of babysitting…what could possibly go wrong? Answer: the kid’s dad just escaped from a mental asylum and has revenge on his warped mind.

2. Halloween (1978)
This is one of my favorite horror movies of all-time. It helped Jamie Lee Curtis become the “Scream Queen”. I just love the fact that they used a William Shatner mask for the character of Michael Myers. Seriously, how awesome is that? Lessons to be learned from this movie: If the child you’re babysitting says he saw the Boogeyman across the street, believe him (or tell his parents because the kid could have early-onset schizophrenia). If you need to go inside to retrieve your keys to get into your locked car, only to return to find the door unlocked and the windows fogged up, do not get in the car (there is probably an escaped homicidal maniac in your backseat…or people making out in there…but most likely a homicidal maniac). If your boyfriend goes to get you a beer and a figure in a sheet comes back, your boyfriend is impaled downstairs on the pantry door. It’s common sense, folks!

3. The Amityville Horror (1979)
Babysitting at the murder house? Sure, that seems safe. Until one of the murdered kids decides to lock you in a closet. I’m sure she’s just playing with you. Or maybe trying to kill you. Lesson learned: no good will come of babysitting in a house with a portal to Hell in the basement. True story.

4. When a Stranger Calls (1979)
I freaking love this movie! How ominous are the random phone calls with a stranger asking “Have you checked the children?” Even more frightening, the calls are coming from inside the house. Carol Kane is fabulous in this as the tormented babysitter, Jill Johnson. Even more awesome is Charles Durning, the detective who goes after the killer using lawn darts! That alone says you need this gem in your movie collection.

5. The Fog (1980)
This is my all-time, favorite horror movie. I think I first saw it when I was about 5-years-old and I’ve been afraid that leper pirates were lurking in every cloud of fog I’ve seen ever since. A small coastal town is cursed because 6 co-conspirators double-crossed a bunch of lepers that wanted to live nearby, robbed them of their money and sank their ship, killing all on board. The lepers decide 100 years later to exact revenge by killing the 6 co-conspirators, only those guys are dead so anyone will do! One of those anyones ends up being an elderly babysitter, of course! If there is a green, glowing fog outside and someone knocks on your door after midnight, do not answer it! It is most likely a leper ghost seeking revenge. Or selling magazine subscriptions.

6. Child’s Play (1988)
If you go to babysit and the kid and his favorite doll are dressed alike, just turn around and leave immediately. No good will come of it. The night won’t end up with you $10 richer, it will end with you flying out of a high-rise apartment window after being knifed by a doll housing the soul of a killer. Duh.

7. When a Stranger Calls Back (1993)
This is considered a sequel to the original When a Stranger Calls, however, it is a different killer this time. Babysitter, Julia, is tormented by a man who comes to the front door of the house she is sitting at and asks her to call the auto club. She goes to call, but finds the phone is dead. The guy continues to bother her and at the end of the night, it is discovered that the children have been stolen from their beds. Years later, Julia is being tormented by the same man who took the children in her care. Of course, he’s trying to kill her. I may be giving major spoilers here, but the killer is a freaking ventriloquist!!! Instead of being outside the house, the killer was inside all along and just throwing his voice. I’d like to say this movie made me fear ventriloquists, but those guys are so creepy, that it just served to reinforce an already existent fear.

Join me next week for the third installment of my scary movie series: Those Aliens Do Not Come In Peace.

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Scary Movie Series: Why Camping is Never a Good Idea

October 6th, 2009 in read, watch, listen by Krista Patterson

Okay, so I admit, I am a total horror movie fiend. I love the thrill of wondering if the hero/heroine will survive. I love the fact that no matter what, if being chased, all female characters will inevitably fall down so the ridiculously slow killer can catch them. Probably while she is semi-nude. I love that if a character has sex, they might as well have painted a giant target on their forehead with a sign saying “kill me next” on their back. I love that dark, ominous tones always hint at the violence ahead. There’s a comfort in the predictability.

For the month of October (the scariest of all months), I will be sharing with you a few scary movie picks that are personal favorites of mine. Today’s installment shall be known as Why Camping is Never a Good Idea.

So, if you’re thinking to yourself, how do I end my young life without actually committing suicide? Answer: go camping. Preferably at a place with a nickname. How about “Camp Blood”? Sounds like a good time waiting to happen! Oh, hey, let’s make sure wherever we camp is nice and remote so no one can hear us scream. That guy with the mask? I’m sure he’s just the new art instructor at camp, showing off his mad mask-making skills. FACT: People who wear masks will murder you! Watch these movies and take notes, people!

1. Friday the 13th (1980)
How can you not love a movie about a drowned boy and the mother who avenges him? How can you not love a movie starring a young Kevin Bacon? How can you not love a movie with special effects by Tom Savini? How can you not love a movie that has a creepy old guy screaming at the counselors that they’re all “doomed”? (Side note: If a guy tells you that you’re all doomed and that the camp you’re staying at has a death curse, you should maybe not stay there. I’m just saying.) I also highly recommend catching part 2 of this series when Jason Voorhees himself does the slicing and dicing.

2. The Burning (1981)
This little movie was actually written before the Friday the 13th movies and stars a young Jason Alexander of Seinfeld fame. This is one of the first offerings of the Weinstein brothers and also features the special effects of the legendary Tom Savini. Years ago, at Camp Blackstone (Sounds quaint!) some campers thought it was a good idea to play a prank on the camp caretaker. Five years of reconstructive surgery and physical therapy later and Cropsy is out for revenge! You will never look at rafts the same again!

3. The Evil Dead (1981)
This series began with a simple camping trip. Just some friends, a cabin in the woods, oh, yeah, and THE BOOK OF THE DEAD. Let’s make some s’mores! Bruce Campbell shines in this movie. As does the creamed corn they used to simulate zombie guts.

4. Sleepaway Camp (1983)
This movie is a must see! People are dropping like flies at this camp in the most delightful of ways! I kid you not, someone is murdered using a pot of corn on the cob. The ending is like something out of The Crying Game. I highly recommend checking out the sequels—they star Bruce Springsteen’s sister, Pamela Springsteen, as the crazed killer.

5. Cheerleader Camp (1988)
What could possibly go wrong at a remote cheerleader training camp you ask? Besides former 70’s pop star, Leif Garrett, trying to carve out an acting career? The scariest thing in this movie is Leif Garrett. This movie is spectacularly cheesy. If you don’t know who Leif Garrett is, watch this clip.

6. Campfire Tales (1997)
Okay, so the kids in this movie aren’t exactly camping, but they are telling ghost stories around a campfire. Did I mention that there’s a crazed killer on the loose? This movie contains several vignettes, so it’s like a bunch of mini scary movies in one. Each story ends with a twist, the biggest twist being the ending of the movie.

7. Cabin Fever (2004)
Okay, not exactly a slasher flick, but it really did give me a healthy respect for flesh-eating bacteria. I didn’t shave my legs for 2 weeks after watching this movie. The flesh-eating bacteria probably would have been more attractive.

Join me next week for the second installment of my scary movie recommendations: Why Babysitters Aren’t Paid Enough.

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