Craving vamps, shape-shifters, and fairies? Hungry for wolf packs and witches? Indulge your appetite for all things over the top with True Blood Season Six recaps!
It’s still relatively early in the season, but things seem a little…unmagical in the True Blood universe, no? The characters are isolated from one another, the Warlow thread is essentially a giant game of very slow hide and seek, and I’m increasingly dubious that the Bon Temps universe can pull off the whole Holocaust parallel (The camp! Vamp torture! “Scary, scary, scary s***”!). However, we did get Ginger and the Newlins providing comic relief, Lafayette vowing to ride or die with Sam, and Eric working it as only Eric can. So let’s get to it:
Vampire and Fairies:
Eric is all set to death-ravage Governor Burrell’s daughter, Willa (there are worse ways to die, am I right?) when she tells him she wants to help him, and not just cause he’s glamouring her. She explains that her father is conducting secret vampire experiments in a state-funded camp, “part prison, part research facility.” Realizing that Willa is more valuable to him alive than dead, Eric spirits her back to Fangtasia and breaks it down for a furious Pam and Tara – he’s taking Willa hostage and they all need to leave the bar for good, before Burrell’s henchmen show up.
They seek refuge with the awesomely crass Ginger, and although she has carnal thoughts on her mind, Eric is all business. He bunks down with Willa in a coffin that looks like a luxe chocolate box. Willa tries to win Eric over – she tells him that her mother left her father for a vamp and she wanted to live with them, but Burrell wouldn’t allow it; when she notices Eric has the bleeds, she even touches his blood and attempts to ingest it. Eric grabs her finger and sensually sucks the blood away himself, but it was kind of gross because it’s dripping from his EAR and that just freaks me out, guys. Plus, how embarrassing, to be shot down by Eric and then have to just lie there next to him, like one of those chocolate-covered cherries nobody likes.
When a call comes in from Burrell, pleading for his daughter’s life, Eric uses Willa as a bargaining chip and tells Burrell that Willa will die. He’s not worried about the call being tracked, but his super hearing picks up on a man saying, “Got him, Sir.” Vampire super-phone untraceability FAIL. Eric realizes Burrell is on his way to bust them, but when he goes back into the bedroom where Tara was keeping Willa quiet, they’ve vanished. Tara has not even seen Lafayette or Sookie yet this season, but apparently she’s still pro-human enough to try and protect Willa. Eric tells Ginger to stall Burrell and his men and he and Pam vanish into the night.
In the now-infamous vampire “camp,” we’re gifted with the reunification of Steve and Sarah Newlin! Steve is so happy to see her, except, yeah, Sarah now hates him with the heat of a thousand burning suns. Sarah’s realized that the pulpit isn’t the way to do God’s work – eradicating vamps from the face of the earth – instead, the way to go is politics! Steve giggles at this, but power-suited Sarah is dead serious. She is clearly excited that Steve will be used for her political agenda, and happily abandons him to a creepy doctor. Things were about to get all torture-y when the doctor asks Steve about Eric, but Steve immediately starts to sing like a canary.
Over in sorta/kinda/maybe-god land, Bill is explaining his vision of burning vamps to Jess. He tells her that he saw her burning there, too, but vows he will find a way to stop his vision from coming true. As a self-proclaimed “prophet of Lilith,” Bill just knows that Lilith will provide the solution. In fact, after recalling how he met with her in broad daylight during his fugue state, he realizes that he can, in fact, walk directly in the sun now. Jess begs him to reconsider, but Bill strides out into the burgeoning dawn as she watches from inside. The sun rises, Bill extends his arms out in what looks like a vampire tai chi move, and then…yeah, Bill burns like a sparkler on Independence Day. Jess rolls him a rug and holds a charred Bill in her arms; he chokes out, “I don’t understand.”
After’s he healed, he’s about to head out into the night when Jess insists that she can help him. So he sends her out to capture the professor who originally created True Blood. In order to snare Prof. Pervy McPervington, Jess wears a tarty schoolgirl outfits, bats her eyes, and then pounces. Meanwhile, Bill is after another kind of blood – Sookie’s fairy strain, to be exact.
And what has poor Sookie been doing all episode? Pretty much just fretting over Jason and watching her royal grandpa Niall zip around the Stackhouse homestead, aimlessly playing Warlow tag. When Bill shows up, Sookie refuses to let him in, but guess who no longer needs an invitation? He shoves his way in and informs her that he needs her fairy blood; his plan is to synthesize it so he can save the vampire race, somehow. Sookie unequivocally says NO and gets the best line of the episode: “You’re not God, Bill, you’re just an asshole!” Bill snippily tells her she’s now dead to him. Newsflash, Bill, the feeling is mutual.
After Bill leaves, Niall comes back with Ben the Halfling. Ben’s apparently been wandering around for an absurdly long time looking for the fairy camp; coincidentally (no, it’s probably totally on purpose) Niall found the fairy camp destroyed and even had to send a vampire-attacked, mortally wounded fairy “home.” Ben is in awe of the royal Niall and agrees to help team up with him to attack Warlow, but something’s rotten in Denmark, right? Is the non-fairy half of Ben something much darker than human? Sookie and Ben have an awkward conversation, Niall zips out of the house and zaps what he thinks is Warlow but is actually Nora, also hunting for Warlow, and Jason collapses.
All is not lost on the fairy blood front for Bill, though. On his way back home, he runs into Andy Bellefleur trying to politely enforce the new vampire curfew. Now, Andy’s been feeling pretty good this episode – he taught Holly how to shoot, (to protect herself from vamps) and in the process he started to reconcile with her. Plus, his fairy babies have made it to tween-hood already. On the downside, one of his daughter’s stuffed animals was left in the backseat of his police cruiser, sending the sweet, sweet scent of fairy blood wafting right into Bill’s nose.
Shifters/werewolves/wondrous creatures (aka, Lafayette)
Emma drama is still raging. The Vampire Unity Society is desperate to help out, especially Nicole. Sam says thanks but no thanks, but he is definitely softening towards Nicole. He is determined to go and rescue Emma from the pack himself, but Lafayette insists on helping, because Sam has always treated him with respect. Also, duh, because Lafayette is just the best. At Martha’s house, the cops come to investigate the missing Emma, and Alcide and Rikki try to stall but it doesn’t work. Instead, a hatefully mean Rikki forces Emma to shift into a wolf pup so they won’t all be busted. The ruse works, the cops leave, and Martha forces the angry Rikki to bow down for Alcide.
Owl – Sam stakes out Martha’s house, where he can watch for Emma. The wolf pack is milling around in the yard when the VUS rolls up, all “We just want to help spread sunshine and tolerance, let’s talk about vampires, oh wait, you guys HATE vampires? And you don’t like us secretly recording you?” This doesn’t end well – the wolves help themselves to assorted VUS snacks and it looks like only Nicole escapes, with a wounded leg. While all that drama is breaking loose, Sam manages to rescue Emma. As Nicole limps off, though, Sam decides he and Emma have to save her too, and into the woods they go.
we heartsters: So who do you think Ben is, really—vampire, Warlow himself, or just a super bland and boring halfling? How many more injuries can Jason take before his taxed brain goes kaput? And brutal honesty time – would you drink Eric’s ear blood?
all photos and videos via HBO
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